It's been one of those goals I always want to be better at, but rarely am. Maybe it's because I already have it in my head that it's more of a "chore" than a hobby? I also often think as much as I want to blog, I rarely have things worth sharing. That's a belief I'm struggling to overcome. I don't just want to write anything, so I think I psyche myself out a lot. Another obstacle is I don't want to feel tied down to talking just about "The gay thing", which a lot of my ideas seem to stem from. That's a significant part of me, albeit there's so much more I want to be known for. It seems I'm in the never ending midst of re-focusing how I intend to make my life mean something. I keep trying, but I still haven't really found a sure answer.
So.
I thought it would be worth sharing my wedding vows to Derek. I can't believe we've been married a month and a half. I still have to remind myself that I'm married and that Derek is my husband- it's been an adjustment I've still not yet fully realized. But I'll tell you a very cool adjustment! I've said it once and I'll say it again, Derek is the most wonderful human being I know. I feel so lucky to live in a time I do, where I have the opportunity to marry whomever I choose to love.
On the topic of weddings, you also don't realize how stressful weddings can be, until you're planning one. Really- don't talk to me till you've been through it and can empathize. Constant stress. Melt downs. Fighting. Tears. "The wedding is off" talk. Starving/Binging to try and fit into your ideal pant size you've yet to this point ever achieved. Well mainly binging, lots and a lots of binging (while you rationalize that you'll run 50 miles the next week to run it off, to never do such). I was such an ass for a lot of the process (excuse my language). But really, I didn't think I'd be a bridezilla and lo and behold-- I was! I take some comfort however that Derek was also-- just ask him, he'll tell you. ;-)
It also needs to be said that there seems to be so much added pressure to carry out a "gay wedding", like that somehow is supposed to change everything. Everyone expects perfection-- and I being my own self also expected perfection. Perfection+budget does not equal bliss. I can't tell you how many people told me in sincerity how excited they were to see a "gay wedding", or how wonderful and spectacular our wedding would be; certainly all of it said with good intent. I honestly worried to the point of insanity that the wedding we planned wouldn't be good enough and that I'd give a bad name to gay people everywhere. I can't let my people down! Ugh. Did I mention that Derek and I even made our own cake? That alone was the cause of at least 10 major meltdowns on my part. Oh and here's a picture of how that turned out:
There's a lot I would tweak looking back and/or do for the future, but when all is said and done I think we made a cake to feel proud of. And for any reading who are interested, I'd love to help with your future wedding cake! It's a hobby I hope to pursue more of.
Anyways I'm getting carried away. The wedding happened and I think it was beautiful, and I was so happy on how everything turned out. From the decorations to all the people who came to show support, down to the beautiful ceremony that our friend George performed, I was so very happy about it all. I couldn't have asked for better. And really, for those who did show support- it meant the world and more to us. I had no idea how loved I could feel. Thank you thank you to all of you. I have such an awesome life, and I'm teary eyed thinking about the experience and how meaningful it all was.
Story short married life is awesome!
On to what I originally intended, here's a copy of my vows:
Derek.
Can you believe we’re standing here now?
I deeply, madly, endlessly love you.
From our first real visit, not including the time we met at
the yogurt shop, I felt something I never had with someone before. Sharing
Magnum bars, watching Modern Family, and discussing how we’d change the world,
I knew my life would never be the same, nor my waist line. You sparked an
endless fire in me. You inspired hope where hope where was nowhere else to be
found. You’ve endured it all with me: the good, the ugly and everything in
between, and yet you stand here with me still. You reached for me in places where few have
ever gone and you stood by me and you loved me still in spite of it all. You gave me worth when I
had none. Thank you. Thank you for walking into my life. Thank you for braving
the storms with me.
In the wise words of Dr. Seuss “Sometimes the questions are
complicated and the answers are simple”.
Facing our future together, there are a lot of questions to
be had. I can’t promise you things others perhaps marrying a woman could. But I
can you promise you this: I promise to give you all of my heart. I promise to be
my best for you. I promise to choose
you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over, always. Without pause,
without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I can’t promise to fix all your problems but I
can promise you won’t have to face them alone. I’m not perfect. I’ll annoy you,
tick you off, say stupid things and then take them back. Putting those things
aside, I vow to encourage you, trust you, and respect you. As a family we will create a home filled with learning, laughter and compassion. I promise to work with you to foster and cherish a relationship of equality knowing that together we will build a life far better than either of us could imagine alone. I accept you as you are and I offer myself in return. I will care for you, stand beside you and share with you all of life's adversities and all of it's joys from this day forward and all the days of my life. In sickness and in health I promise to take care of you, even when you've over indulged the night before. For richer or poorer I promise not to spend all of our money at JCrew. I love you
And here's a video that our friend Emric graciously surprised us in taking of the event:
And here's a video that our friend Emric graciously surprised us in taking of the event:
And on a completely unrelated note Christmas is 37 days away! Yippee!!!
