It's been awhile since I've written a blog update, I apologize for those of you who sincerely care. For this post today, I thought I would share a poem that I wrote awhile ago actually, back as a freshman in college for my humanities class. It was written semi hazardously, the night before it was due. Yet, to this day, I still feel it to be one of my moments of greatest inspiration. You may find that my poetry skills are a bit elementary, and assuredly they are. But nevertheless, I hope you enjoy.
Starry Night
Once Upon a Starry Night
In quaint a little town
A man caught vision of Great Destiny,
A world above, so heavenly
The stars they shined
The moon was bright
Peaceful bliss shone through the night
The man’s one thought
He longed’ declare
Was rising from him in the air
“Awake my heart! Don’t sleep within
No more withhold these chains I’m in
Let me soar within blue skies,
Mind and Soul loosed from all ties
From bitter darkness, my song ring free!
To Him! Will all my anthems be
Please let me out of prison’s gate
Must my longing still have to wait?!”
Yet the man still dreamed, and the skies still shone
When you think of your ideal self, what comes to mind? Do you see rippling biceps (ladies, say it aint so) and washboard abs? Is there a brighter smile or more fit body? Would you be smarter, more outgoing, or more kind to others?
Looking into that mirror of idolized reflection, what is it you see staring back at you? Perhaps you're one of the gifted few who see yourself just as you are. If that is you, please tell me how you got there, I'm trying, really I am. I often find myself peeking into this mirror and I hold no reservations nor feigned intimations about what ideal self image stares back at me: Superman.
Yes, Superman. The Henry Caville kind.
(You can see why, right?)
Sure, I may be childish and a little naive. I do recognize here that Superman is not an actual being. But what if he were? Superman has it all, and that's what I want. The godlike physique, the moral character, not to mention the woman and the superhuman capabilities. Add to it all that he saves the world on a daily basis. Yes, fictional or not, Superman is my aspiration.
While I now put the face of Superman to my dream self character, this superhuman aspiration is no recent epiphany of mine. I remember once when I was 7 or 8, a simple prayer I had offered. Short and heartfelt, I gave what I believe to be as mighty a prayer as any, asking God to grant me the chance to fly... You can probably guess I was let down by His lack of response. I remember crying about it. To this day I'm still a little let down; hold me.
Thus prevalent through childhood, adolescence and into my now adulthood years has always remained this perpetual infatuation with man's transcendence. Now I wouldn't go as far to say I hope to be the next 'Super Saiyan' guy on youtube, I still like to think I have a small grasp on reality. Yet here, deep embedded in my being, resides this voice challenging me to be a hero, telling me I can. Wow, now that I say this in words I realize how disneyesque it sounds. Hercules was right, I can go the distance!
In a sense, this idea of being someone admired and important like Superman is all I've held on to. It's given me a release from my every day fears of self inadequacy. It's helped me cope with failures that inevitably have come my way. It's also given me hope when life is unkind, or when I'm lonely or when I've eaten one too many donuts. Yes, becoming superman seems to hold all I could ever ask for. The life I've always dreamed of.
It's time for the moral of the story now, which doesn't come easy. After some healthy self analysis and real life humble pie I've really come to notice something one of those wise philosophers once said: all that glitters isn't gold. Silver, glass and even water can too. In fact, any object or thing can glitter if treated properly ( you get my point, right?). What I'd never really noticed in grasping onto the Superman like ideals of myself, is that I was also simulatenously letting go of one priceless ingredient: my self.
Self worth that is.
Don't get me wrong here, I think it's always important to find ways to improve the man staring back at you in the mirror. Sometimes he needs a good shave or eyebrow pluck (yes, for those of you who wonder, I do tweeze my eyebrows). But that's the point, that man staring back at you in the mirror has to be YOU, not some other rated version. Any other way will only ever prove allusive and detrimental. I'm as big of a perfectionist as any out there, so I know how hard this is to realize.
The truth remains: I as a human being am innately imperfect, and yet I'm beautiful. I don't need to be perfect to feel that way. No, in the end I do not need to look and act like some iconic fictional character, no siree, I can be beautiful today. I can be important now.
Now please don't misinterpret me here, I am sure my desire to be like Superman will always be there, like I said it's a part of me. I will also never get mad at you for telling me I look like him over my brothers or anyone else. But Superman is not a person I need to become so much as it is a person I am and can continually develop. Do you get my drift?
I see so many Supermen along my path every day whom I admire. We as a people need to give ourselves more credit than we do, no one is perfect. The admiration belongs to the person who stumbles and picks themselves up, time after time, rather than the person who seems to have it all together. No one does.
Here's a good visual example for you to draw from:
Yes, there's no doubt about it folks, Derek Redmond is Superman. On a more personal level, I'm grateful for all the superheros I've seen in my life. Imperfect most definitely, but wholehearted most assuredly.
I'm staring back into the mirror again. This time it's a real one and no idealized version. I'm searching long and hard into the worn face I see. It's not easy but yes, after an arduous introspection, there it is, I think I'm finding him, the Superman staring back at me.
It's nice to make your acquaintance. I know we both don't really know each other, but I hope in time we can change that. Let me start by introducing myself to you. My name is Bryan Clark and I'm a Mormon. Wait, Stop there. I know what you're thinking: this sounds oddly like one of those pestering "I'm a Mormon" advertising commercials. And here I thought I could be so clever to snag that in there! So close. If only I had the talent of Brandon Flowers, or the unique job capability of designing roller coasters, or that debilitating disease which left me arm less in childhood. Then, then I could use that as my claim to Mormondom fame. If only. I'm pretty normal. Well relatively normal that is. I'd like to think of myself as a special person with unique gifts when it comes to seeing the world and those around me. But who knows, maybe I'm delusional, you can judge for yourself.
Here's me:
Sexy, right? I think I was going for classy fella meets debonair model here. Do you see the Superman like physique here also? Perhaps not. I'm working on it, Henry Cavill has a hard physique to live up to. One day soon, mark my words.
Let's shorten this introduction shall we? Afterall, what kind of college student stays up till 2 am in the morning, creating a blog, ignoring the inevitable homework he has to finish for later in the day? Sometimes I also have the feeling of doing crystal meth, but then I think 'Hmm, better not' (name that movie!). So on second thought, I'll keep ignoring the homework due. Reality check no thank you.
A couple other tidbits to get things started: I'm a triplet and 8th in the family of 9 kids (big family I know, I love it). The number 8 also happens to be my lucky number. I grew up in New York, moved to Utah as a teenager and am now currently finishing school at BYU. I'm a lover of milkshakes, awkward moments (just wait for when my dating book comes out in the future), and Taylor Swift love songs (does she write anything else?). Call me a hopeless romantic.
Oh, and here's a picture of me with my beautiful triplet sisters:
(Sorry fellas, the one on the left has long since been taken, and the middle sister is too good for any normal chum. You'd need to go through me first)
On the more serious side, I'd never till recently decided on writing a blog. I've always thought it beyond my comfort zone. But life is meant to change you,and I've been experiencing a lot of change lately. So here I am, embracing this change, hoping it serves some greater purpose for me and who knows, perhaps you also. I'd really like to think it will.
I love this quote. This is what I hope to embody in my blog. I must confess that the whole premise behind this blog comes from a TED talk given by this same author,Brene Brown. Within this talk she speaks about the transforming power of accepting vulnerability in our lives. From her research, she decides to refer to those who accepted vulnerability and seemed to have a sense of worth as being 'wholehearted'. If you have not watched this talk, do it, and take notes. Here's a link to that talk before I forget it:
'Nuff said, right? What an amazing insight to life. So here's to living wholehearted. Here's to embracing the beauty in every person, situation, and idea. Here's to risking the unmeasurable, and accepting imperfection. This blog will be an open forum of ideas, thoughts and experiences I believe embody wholeheartedness. It's meant to be insightful as much as educational. It will most likely get deeply personal as much as fun lighthearted. I can't limit it. What I do know is that whatever I choose to share on here will be meant to stretch me. I can do this. We can do this. Afterall, we're worth it.
It's nice to finally meet you Blog World, and here's to the start of hopefully a beautiful, enduring friendship.
