Here I am: Take Me or Leave Me

Just in case you don't follow my facebook newsfeed, here's the link to my coming out video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BntojRaFlk

More Random but Well Thought Out Worthwhile Thoughts

1.  Suspenders in my opinion are definitely cool. They give you this mature and sophisticated look while still appearing youthful.
2. I read rumors online that Sandra Bullock and Chris Evans are dating. Sweet lemon pie I hope it's true. And that they make super babies
3.  Sometimes I worry I may dry the state of Utah from all the water I drink and use in cleaning myself.
4.  Food can be so evil. It says "Hey! Look at me, I look and taste so delicious!". When it doesn't tell you is that it wants to kill you with fatness.
5.  I'm pretty sure blinkers are pretty important in driving safely. If someone could inform the majority of drivers of this that would be helpful. So they don't die of course.
6.  I think Celine Dion was one of those elected angels in heaven who God sent to earth to make us all feel bad about ourselves.
7.  Kids are super duper cute. I really want a black one. So if you know of a way please let me know
8.  I've been watching backflipping videos on youtube (really awesome) because I want to do it, but I'm scared to death of ending up like a broken egg. Anybody hear my pain?
9.  I'm pretty sure floss does more damage to my gums than benefit. Maybe I also shouldn't yank it down there. Oh well. Yeah.
10.  I haven't eaten my Breyer's ice cream in my freezer for over a week now. What the! I'm so proud
11. I really want to become famous just so I can go on Ellen Degeneres's show and be scared by her in the bathroom. It's a bucket list item of mine.
12. It's amazing how much you can do with your life when you don't spend it stalking people on facebook or youtube all day. 
13. I have to wonder sometimes at the gym when I see Personal Trainers helping others at the gym, and aren't at all in shape, how on earth I could trust them in getting me in shape.
14. I watch the Bachelorette. Yes, I do.. But I have two wonderful reasons: The girl (Andi Dorfman) is beautiful. #2 Eric Hill, the Utah contestant who was on it and has since passed away (so sad), attended BYU, so I feel it's part of school pride to celebrate. Don't judge me. 
15. Sometimes when I'm bored and at home, I'll stare at my dog and make up conversations in my head of what she's thinking. It's all very intelligent and smart.
16. Waffles with buttermilk syrup, bacon and eggs is about close as we can get to tasting heaven here on earth.
17. I've considered attending a OEA (Over Eater's Anonymous) meeting in Salt Lake as I think I may have a problem. Anyone want to go with me?
18. Life is grand

And here's a poem just because. I've been in the mood and I for some reason think I have a knack for it. Haters gonna hate.

Oh the remarkable wonder to be living and breathing

To make use of that magic the World gives without ceasing

To hold high the medallion of faith, hope and love

And make use of the radiance shined down from Above

-Me

A Picture Illustration of Recent Kitchen Musings

I like to cook a lot. It's an obsession/addiction/passion/love/hobby of mine. My partner in crime Derek also has an unending love for all things delicious, so together we appreciate finding the new best dish to try.

So I thought I'd share some of the things we've cooked/baked in recent times past. So feel free to eat your eyes out Ben & Jerry.

Cinnamon Rolls. Are. My thing. Like MY THING. ALWAYS. #Can't touch this 

This is a cake I made for my beautiful friend/lover Suni

Chocolate glazed donuts. Mmm and as a plus they were baked, not fried

Oatmeal Creme Pies. Seriously. So so so so good. I can't control myself

Chocolate Tiramisu Mousse. Velvety good

Giada's Roman Chicken. Sweet gravy it's good.

Barefoot Contessa's Roast Chicken. Delish.

Flourless chocolate cake with a homemade caramel drizzle. Decadent

Restaurant style steaks with a blue cheese sauce. Hands down best steak I've ever had.

Chocolate layered cake I made for a friend's birthday

Lemon Gnocchi's with a brown butter sage reduction (Giada de Laurentiis)

Caramelized onion pizza with sausage, basil and Gorgonzola. Good gravy it's so explosively good.

Homemade french toast (Yes, I made the bread too). Mm mm.

Martha Stewart's Molten Chocolate Lava Cake. My all time favorite dessert. Oh goodness it's good.

Double chocolate brownie cupcakes; Another successful Pinterest trial.

Homemade cream puffs with ice cream. Better than store bought.

Barefoot Contessa's Blueberry Crumb Cake.

Giada's Chicken Picatta. One of my favorite go to dishes

Barefoot Contessa's Orzo Pasta Salad. It's Uber terrifically magically good.

Strawberry Shortcake with homemade whip Cream (Barefoot Contessa)

Red Velvet Cake for my friend Meredith's birthday. Getting in touch with my feminine side. I think it's pretty.

Tomato, feta, basil bruschetta. Amen.

Chocolate Dream Lovers cake. Soooooo Good.

Eggs Benedict. How had I never tried this before? It's amazing!

Salted Caramel Double Chocolate Brownies (Martha Stewart)

Blue Cheese Burger with Homemade Guacamole and Caramelized Onions. Mm Mm Mm. Yeah

So as you may notice, I'm pretty into the Foodnetwork (Barefoot Contessa and Giada De Laurentiis). Sue me but I just love it. The food obsession must go on! More food posts certainly to come!

Another Heaven

Faded thoughts of dreamless splendor

Diaries left unopened, revealing 

What could have

Been

But more fully what never was.

Fear drags along its conquered victim

into a place where no man sleeps

And eyes grow sore

Revealing secrets ne’er foretold

Where hope flickers meaninglessly one begins to see

Another Heaven

Wholehearted

To give all, with no expectation of return

To take courage in making new steps

To hold no reservations nor feigned imitations

To ride the waves and soar the skies

 To brighten the world each day with a laugh and a smile

To breath passion and exhale love

To give your best, never accepting less

To shine in whatever place life may lead you

This is to be wholehearted.

Strange Ramblings

I'm not a particularly patient driver. In fact, I'd say my personality pulls a whole 180 when I'm behind the wheel and all I want to do is get where I need to be. I just can't help myself. The other day a middle aged woman in a mini van cut me off at the drive thru lane at McDonald's. I was infuriated. I happened to find her later while stopped at the same intersection, so I took pictures of her hoarding what appeared to be a McDouble down her throat (while all her kids in the back just sat and watched her). I'll attach the picture below, and if anyone knows the whereabouts of this woman, please contact me.

I woke up in the middle of the night the other day to the pitter pattering of rain outside my bedroom window. It was so majestic I couldn't help but listen in awe the rest of the night long.

Some people have amazing dreams, others don't dream, and then there are those who have nightmares. I hate nightmares. And it seems in my dreamland that nightmares are the only things that ever occupy my mind. Usually running from someone (90% of the time it's a witch... it's a child hood phobia of mine), or of me falling from a very high building, etc. The other night I was on the 48th floor of Caesar's Palace when it decided to collapse, after being chased by some mob. If dreams are any indication of insanity than I'm full fledged insane.

You know when you are exercising a lot, dieting real hard and feel really good about yourself, up until the moment you check that scale? Yeah, I loathe that moment too. Which seems to be every day for me. Except a lot of times I don't diet so well. Or exercise so well. Oh wait, I guess it makes sense then. Well all the same, I still hate the scale.

Speaking of weight my puppy, Zoey, at 7 months, is now 36.6 pounds big! When I took her home on Christmas Eve she was less than 4 lbs, which makes her 9 times bigger since then. She's a beast! And whoever said that Siberian Huskies shed only twice a year deserves to be incarcerated. Yes, I realize, she is shedding her winter coat, but she's been doing that for the past 3 months. That aint no 2 times a year! Despite daily combings and vacuuming, her hair shows up everywhere, including my food.

Speaking of Dogs, my sister Sarah's dog, Annabelle, a puggle, is I swear the spawn of Satan.  I love her, but I fear her.

I'm obsessed with cake decorating lately. I've spent a great portion of my life watching YouTube videos on how to make "gum paste lilies" and in my mind I've reached the point where I'm pretty incredible at it, now I just have to translate that to actual cakes. We'll see how that goes.

It is a sad day for my manhood to learn I can't pee on command. I mean, it took me over an hour, 3 liters of water and 3 attempts until I was finally able to. Such embarrassment.

I have the most amazing group of family and friends that surround me.

And hmm.. that's about all I got for me right now.

Happy Wednesday!

Unlikely Wisdom from My Unhealthy McDouble Troubles

I'm a pretty avid McDonald's goer. I'll admit it. If you'd had asked me anytime up until 1 1/2 years ago, I would have scoffed at the idea of eating at McDonalds. Fast food is gross! And McDonald's with the classless connotations it has behind it (e.g. see "Supersize Me), definitely not for me! 'I eat with refinement, like mushroom burgers' I would've thought (Ron Swanson would've gagged on that thought). Well, things have changed. And I've now grown up into my mature palate of salty processed foods with artificial flavors and food coloring (e.g. the egg yolk in the eggs aren't normally yellow I hear- apparently from my anonymous McDonald's friend they dye them).

I'm not sure how it happened exactly. It was most likely one night, as a busy college student, where I needed a quick fix and McDonald's was right there, so I caved. You just can't beat a dollar menu on a college budget. So my mouth came to know what was called a McDouble, with it's accompanying hot fudge sundae and any size soda drink. The overly salted food coursed through my body, igniting a flame of fiery pleasure to my insides, as well as gas. And thus the addiction began.

It's been an ongoing battle between the gluttonous lover in me seeking instant gratification  against my other food half that eats, well, anything and everything else.

But really, I do love how cheap and relatively good McDonald's can be, especially for the quick accessibility. They also have a good variety of healthy options on their menu, I just never buy them. I mean who really gets excited to go to McDonald's, to then get a lettuce wrap? 'Hey honey, I'm trying to eat healthier, so let's go eat tonight at McDonald's!'. Yeah, I think not also.

I've tried to keep this addiction of mine a secret, I knew all my friends would scoff at me if they only knew (especially my health kick friends who think I'm as extreme as them). But the addiction raged on and the time came recently to finally let my secret out, and with it the accompanying shame. I still carry that guilt 2-3 times a week as I drive my car away from the drive thru, shoving a burger into my mouth with one hand and fries in my lap, shaking salt all over me and my car. Really classy I know. I'm working on it.

I do love eating healthy and making healthy foods; that feeling of energy, health and pride is unlike any other. But I can't help sometimes the easiness of the way to McDonald's. I've been trying to follow a diet pretty stringently this year as one of my goals (check my New Year's Resolution List), and for the majority of the year thus far I've done pretty well. But I have my moments.

One of those moments happened last week when I didn't bring any food for dinner to work to which I thought I could brave the night without anything. But my stomach got the best of me and soon I was shamelessly picking up my dollar budgeted meal when an older gentleman at the McDonald's drive thru window made my day.

This man, who must've been in his later 50's or earlier 60's, opened his yellow arched imprinted window and shined a great big smile at me. He then in his rich voice asked me how I was doing and what plans I had that night. I spoke briefly to him with my mono syllable expressions. Who expects to have a conversation after all with the drive thru person? The man (Bob we'll call him) then wished me a wonderful evening in his cheery voice and waved goodbye. I drove on with my hot fudge sundae in my hand spilling on to my pants, shocked at how respected and loved I felt by Bob. He made me feel happy and inspired me to be better, despite my utter lack of figure friendly food dignity.

I can't imagine anyone ever thinks to themselves at a young age that when they get older, they'd like to man a drive thru window at McDonald's. Try speaking to your child who comes home with that written on their English Report! But regardless, there was Bob, as happy as could be, inspiring all those salty food addicts like myself, leaving them with a smile to make their day. Bob is my hero.

It really doesn't matter where you work, what you wear, how old you are, how smart/educated you are nor how beautiful. We are where we are in this current space of time. It may not be our ideal picture  of what we want our life to be, and that's ok (I'm willing to bet for 99.9% of you out there it isn't). We can keep working on that. But what really matters and how we should really measure ourselves, disregarding everything previously mentioned, is how we treat people. Because really anyone and everyone can make a difference in the life of another human being, you just have to make the choice. You can be a victim of your circumstances or you can be a creator of them.

So to Bob, I say thank you. Truly, in a moment I was feeling so depressed about myself that I had caved once again to fast food, I'm glad I did.  Because I got to be touched by him (not physically Ditto- ew.).

And I hope that despite all the mistakes or triumphs I make in my life, feats or defeats, successes or failures- that I can be happy. And in doing so share that good cheer with those around me. Because let's be real, everyone wants to be happy, and we're all desperately seeking it everywhere we go.